Tuesday 24 July 2012

The alternative reality

In my mind I dream of unknown places. See, I dream alot. I dream of fresh flowers, beautiful sunsets, very cold winters, a place far from here... Part of me is stuck in an alternate reality, in a fairytale book or a sweet song, where no one gets hurt, and everything is perfect and gets resolved. I'm in love with the idea of love. It didn't take a boy, or an unforgettable kiss to make me realize this, it took long conversations (mostly over some wine sessions)... with very good friends.

 To me love is much more than loving an individual, or even loving yourself. It's about loving life, loving this earth that we inhabit, loving the spirit that fills our soul (whatever that may be), and loving being alive. The most frustrating thing about love is that no one can give you that love of life, not any self help books, or therapists, or even religious figures. (...though they may help.) It's something you find within yourself. I finally realized that a while, I was afraid of living I was just existing.

 I want to LIVE. Not just experience the joys of life, but the pain too. I want to LOVE. Not just have a perfect relationship, but have flaws too. I WANT to be hurt, I want to be a complete mess (just like I was yesterday), I want to live in a foreign city where I know no one, and they don't know me. Because anything is better than feeling nothing. Nothing is lonely, nothing is cold. Nothing is giving up. I vow to live and to love from this day forward. To love myself, to love life, and the earth we inhabit, to love the spirit that fills my soul, and to love being alive. 

This is in Mozambique, Vamizi Island! Sun sets above the ocean...the earth is too amazing, too beautiful! Photo by Erwan 

"Its a brand new day, a brand new life and Im feeling good"-Nina Simone

"she said she usually cried at least once each day... not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short" 
-Unknown-



Tuesday 1 May 2012

I wonder




Sometimes I think I act like some kind of pseudo-psychologist. Deep down...I know I'm insecure, and I'm naive, and I think most times I give it all away up front.


Sometimes I feel stupid (mostly cause I wear my heart on my sleeve)...but I don't feel stupid around you. I don't feel like the girl in the "before" picture. I know you don't kiss all the girls like that, or maybe you do. maybe I don't give a shit either way (yeah I'm trying to say this with conviction but the stupid little heart on my sleeve is giving me away) I know when you dream, you dream of yourself but better, and not an asshole.

I wonder if you walk around naked on the beach laughing and so free with all the girls, I wonder if you skinny dive with all the girls, I wonder if you make love on the beach with all the girls! I wonder if they all know how wonderful you really are!

I wonder if Im special, but for the first time in my life not because my daddy ran away and boys wouldn't look at me that way and I never got asked to dance and I never had an ipod and I''m shy and didn't wear thong underwear and I was always embarrassed or hurt or worried and I need you to tell me that I'm pretty and funny and witty and smart and a fantastic dancer even though Im terrible at it and that I "get" you and it's me and you against the world!

I want to know if I'm special so that I can get a good nights sleep because  as independent and confident as I want to picture myself, I still want to know whether I matter to those I care about. . I want to know because the unknown hurts more than the truth.

Wednesday 11 April 2012

wAY OUT IS EASY?????


Sometimes I just wish I could take the easy way out...work as a barlady somewhere, waitress, cashier in some supermarket n wait for a rich man to come n marry me! it so easy to have a dream...we all have dreams! But making that dream become reality is a wholenether story! I feel like Im so close...yet so far!

Thursday 29 March 2012

Best Ever

Sometimes...as much as you know the difference between a book and reality, you always try to make your life a little like your favourite book or movie, cause you have to give it a shot somehow! Sometimes there are people who come into your life and make you feel like the main character in the book they are writing...Special!

They will do things that will make you smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn't burst and bled out all over your chest yet! 

Simple and effortless things...but to you they become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish!
  
My boyfriend went on a trip with his dad and brother, somewhere in Moz
On the beach he drew a picture of me on the sand as if I'm lying next to him 
 And the words next to him say: "I wish you were here"

So babe...you are just the best ever! You have taught me so much in the five months I've known you...in a way I've never experienced before! Yes I dont know what will happen in a month or a year but I just hope you know how much I will always appreciate you being a part of my life!

Wednesday 14 March 2012

Messages to each other while apart



From Zoe
ryt nw...i dnt thnk theres anyone in the world who misses u lyk i do! Ive been in my rwm the whole day so i went out 4some freshair...wel theres never been anywhere else to go here except 4the pool!m nt swimming m just lyng on my bck lwkng at da sky!no starz jst cloudz! M tryng to imagine m at da beach. Babe i c one star or is it a satelite...tryng to rememba wat u tld me!i wish u were here 


To Zoe
Hey babi!!
Your messages are so sweet I shed a tear when I read them, just like every morning when I wake up to see that your not next to me... wish I could hold you tight and kiss your neck....
 Im dealing with study permit things now, cuz i really want to get things sorted so I can get going with 2O12 and come be with you!!!!


Miss u a lot too!! Last night, I dreamed that we were both here in moz working a very complicated plane to go spend New Years in Ponta do Ouro, lol.... guess i wish it was still the end of 2011...

Loads of all over kisses!!!!!


From Zoe
so babe i did it...i set my alarm for 5:30 AM so that i could have a 20minutes snooze time, 10 minutes of getting up n wondering around wit my brain still not working properly! 6 i started the excercise! OH YEAH!!! well now i just hve to keep it up till end of the week n see...

when i left u were still sleeping...i sent u a goodmorning kiss on skpe...i hope u got it babe! i miss u tons...lots of kisses babe mwah 


To Zoe
Yeah babi, great effort, im proud of you well done....... I love to see that u got the spirit.. Tomorow im gona try to jog and/or swim, to take the good example on you.... 
MIss you back and I dereamed of you last night (as most nights, actually) you here with me... 
Loads of kisses babi...... and if you dont get them tonight, i hope they'll brighten your day tomorow... :)


To Zoe
Just a load of kisses to you. miss you so babi!!! I also wanted to remind you that your the sweetest.... :)


From Zoe
babe....u the best ever
u put a smile on my face the whole day n it will still b there even tomorrow 


Sunday 11 March 2012

A girl who reads



I love books and when I was in high school i use to read a lot...I remember being so engrossed in a romance novel, so lost in the authors making that ,I wouldn't even hear my mom calling me! And as much as my mom loved it that I spent most of my time reading that would really piss her off! I just loved reading novels...when I came to University..well there was just too much work, more journal reading and less novels! I actually want to get back to being lost in a book again....its the most amazing feeling! So when I bumped into this I just had to share...Its called date a girl who reads :):) Its long but very interesting...

 “Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book. 
Buy her another cup of coffee. 
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice. 
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does. 
She has to give it a shot somehow. 
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world. 
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two. 
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series. 
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. 
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype. 
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots. 
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads. 
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
— Rosemary Urquico

New at every moment

When you pass by me the next time, will be the first. There are no renewing old ties. Every encounter by more that will be remembered, was past and the present is worth more the pity. I do not see you with the same eyes, nor I want the same eyes i see. I want the new at every moment, the eternal enchantment. I want to feel you even before you touch me, its warmth, its energy. I want the chemical mysteriously indestructible. I want to tell you all my silence during a kiss during a look, during a sigh.
- Unknown


Friday 9 March 2012

To have a guy with gifted hands...


This is a apainting of me or do you call it a potrait? Im not really sure...it was done by my boyfriend and I absolutely love it! Woooow...this is just amazing to me! how do you do that? even the expression on my face came out...I was blown away! I think art is amazing,I love beautiful pictures, paintings, scultures...they are inspiring! Art is inspiring!

To have gifted hands...must be the one of the most amazing gifts given to some people; and my boyfriend is one of them! Its like having magic in your hands...

And to have a guy with gifted hands...well u get beautiful portraits of yourself such as this one! Awesome :) :)



Monday 5 March 2012

Words written at the back of my T-Shirt

LOVE IS
SOMETHING
YOU
NATURE


" It was love at first sight, Shelley later cooed
I do however believe
in infatuation or attraction at first sight.
by some incredible miracle"

 These are the words written at the back of my T-shirt. I love this T-Shirt... I take really good care of it because I never want it to grow old and I cant wear it anymore!

Friday 17 February 2012

Stuck in the upper end of the River...


"Even the upper end of the river longs for the ocean". This is how i feel right now...like the upper end of the river! I wish I were at the beach, not to swim...this is not what i long for! I just wanna lie down on the sand and listen to the roaring of the waves,  feel the brisk salty air, the sand and a big moon sitting above would just make the picture complete.




 Ever heard of the saying "The cure for anything is saltwater"? Well they didnt just mean sweat and tears! Im not feeling too good and the worst part its a friday...come on  get in the mood what wrong with you? I dont know...i feel sad! Actually i have a lot on my mind and I need the ocean when i have a lot on my mind...it calms me down! The roaring of the waves...they are like some emotional remedy, I just lie down and let everything drain off me.


But here I am... stuck in the upper end of the River!