You

“You deserve the best, the very best, because you are one of the few people in this lousy world who are honest to themselves, and that is the only thing that really counts.” 
― Frida Kahlo


Loss is a part of life, but what we really need is the intelligence to cope, keep moving forward, keep swimming. Loss doesn't only mean someone close to you dying. It could be separating from someone who has been such a big part of your life. There is something very strange about knowing the person who was so close to you is living their lives, and you are no longer a part of it.
I guess...its a different kind of loss.

Hey, remember Solange?

Yeah, Beyonces sister. She had an album that came out 2013, remember it? Oh, and shes got killer style too.

This video is from one of the songs from the 2013 album. The video was actually done in Cape Town, Langa township area. Tourists come to Cape Town but they hardly experience places like these. Most visit only the most well off places in Cape Town, the most expensive streets. You never see anybody on social media posting a picture in the Langa Township. I get it, its one of the most dangerous townships in South Africa. Someone dies everyday. But this is the reality of South Africa, even though apartheid is ''over'' there is still such a huge gap between the poor and the rich and you should see how people live in these places. Some of the worse off conditions, believe me I know. And if you really want to experience South Africa and learn about the culture and its people, don't just go to Clifton, Camps Bay, the Waterfront etc. 

Okay, back to Solange...

Well, she got a new album, and its amazing. Album is available on YouTube already! My favorite songs already are: mad, cranes in the sky, don't touch my hair and just all the rest.

Did I mention what killer style she got?

Creative

This is the coolest cap...made out of Kapulana, an African print fabric.

When you find something amazing!

I love that feeling, when I find an amazing artist :) :)

This woman...Y'koto

That never get sick of you kind of love...

Its so easy to fall inlove

But its not easy to keep it together

I wonder how people who have been together for 50 years do it

How do they do it?

The old couple down the street

They represent the impossible you might say

The" never get sick of you" kind of love

How do you do it sir?

How do you do it miss?

Do you just say yes a lot?

Can I have that?

The never get sick of you kind of love

The alternative reality

In my mind I dream of unknown places. See, I dream alot. I dream of fresh flowers, beautiful sunsets, very cold winters, a place far from here... Part of me is stuck in an alternate reality, in a fairytale book or a sweet song, where no one gets hurt, and everything is perfect and gets resolved. I'm in love with the idea of love. It didn't take a boy, or an unforgettable kiss to make me realize this, it took long conversations (mostly over some wine sessions)... with very good friends.

 To me love is much more than loving an individual, or even loving yourself. It's about loving life, loving this earth that we inhabit, loving the spirit that fills our soul (whatever that may be), and loving being alive. The most frustrating thing about love is that no one can give you that love of life, not any self help books, or therapists, or even religious figures. (...though they may help.) It's something you find within yourself. I finally realized that a while, I was afraid of living I was just existing.

 I want to LIVE. Not just experience the joys of life, but the pain too. I want to LOVE. Not just have a perfect relationship, but have flaws too. I WANT to be hurt, I want to be a complete mess (just like I was yesterday), I want to live in a foreign city where I know no one, and they don't know me. Because anything is better than feeling nothing. Nothing is lonely, nothing is cold. Nothing is giving up. I vow to live and to love from this day forward. To love myself, to love life, and the earth we inhabit, to love the spirit that fills my soul, and to love being alive. 

This is in Mozambique, Vamizi Island! Sun sets above the ocean...the earth is too amazing, too beautiful! Photo by Erwan 

"Its a brand new day, a brand new life and Im feeling good"-Nina Simone

"she said she usually cried at least once each day... not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short" 

-Unknown-

I wonder

Sometimes I think I act like some kind of pseudo-psychologist. Deep down...I know I'm insecure, and I'm naive, and I think most times I give it all away up front.

Sometimes I feel stupid (mostly cause I wear my heart on my sleeve)...but I don't feel stupid around you. I don't feel like the girl in the "before" picture. I know you don't kiss all the girls like that, or maybe you do. maybe I don't give a shit either way (yeah I'm trying to say this with conviction but the stupid little heart on my sleeve is giving me away) I know when you dream, you dream of yourself but better, and not an asshole.

I wonder if you walk around naked on the beach laughing and so free with all the girls, I wonder if you skinny dive with all the girls, I wonder if you make love on the beach with all the girls! I wonder if they all know how wonderful you really are!

I wonder if Im special, but for the first time in my life not because my daddy ran away and boys wouldn't look at me that way and I never got asked to dance and I never had an ipod and I''m shy and didn't wear thong underwear and I was always embarrassed or hurt or worried and I need you to tell me that I'm pretty and funny and witty and smart and a fantastic dancer even though Im terrible at it and that I "get" you and it's me and you against the world!

I want to know if I'm special so that I can get a good nights sleep because  as independent and confident as I want to picture myself, I still want to know whether I matter to those I care about. . I want to know because the unknown hurts more than the truth.

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