To myself. To you.

It is a scary thing. To be a woman, to be a mother, to be in this world.
It is a scary thing to change, to grow, to let go, to give up, to hang on.
I'm sorry I couldn't be a better lover. To myself, to you, to you because of me.

 I bought these plants, I water them everyday and I bought plant food for them. I think its a bunch of chemicals that you mix with water. Maybe I should have just gotten manure. Its healthy, organic.
I go cycling on the promenade, and think how awesome if we were doing this together. I take beautiful pictures of the sunset and wish I could share them with you. I decorated the new apartment beautifully and I sit on the mat and imagine us making love here.

I'm sorry I couldn't be a better lover, to myself, to you, to you because of me. I am softer than before you came. I know I was loved. So I am thankful.