What makes you so magical? #BlackGirlMagic#

So what makes you so magical black girl?

Well, first of all, look at this ebony skin. Come on, it doesn't get more magical than this?

Its my hair, like a plant, it grows to the sun!

I know how to please...

Black drinks the sun and draws all colors to it. Isnt that magical?

I'm getting my fourth degree OK, a second MSc degree,  despite the fact that I grew up in one of the worst slums in South Africa, went to a fucked up high school but still managed to pass my matric with Merit, raised by a mother who was sewing clothes and selling them on the streets to feed me, and a dad who couldn't be there for me. Because when I asked him why he disappeared, he told me of the ''hard knock life'' no opportunities and trying to survive, and still trying to survive. Should I tell you of how I bumped into him and he couldn't even recognize me? ''Baba, it me Zoe, ingane ka Bonisiwe'', I had to remind him. Wait, my own father didn't recognize me, how fucked up is that? Well, if you hadn't seen the man since you were young and only 2 or 3 times when you were a teenage years, and he promised to buy you a school bag but you never saw him again, of-course hes not going to recognize you. 

You see, stay is a very sensitive word, we wear who left and who stayed in our skin forever. Couldn't he have realized that?

See, I could be here all day and tell you my story, my parents story, my grandparents and  forefathers stories, what we have survived... for you to see why we are so magical...

FIRDAYS

I don't want to be in Obs

I don't want to be in Long street

I don't want to be in my room.

I want to get out of the office.....

LOST!!!!

Love me. I'm organic

If I were married to myself...could I stay with myself?

Hmmmm......
My house would be  quiet. frightening. wild. boring. fun. I would want to leave. I would want to stay. I would be scared. How confusing...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who am I?

I don't know who I am, because I was never encouraged, even expected to be different?  I am confused,  have no idea how to be myself. I grew up being told how to act by people who were told how to act themselves and they had never mastered it right anyway. How do you teach a child to be themselves when you cant even be yourself? Aren't we a reflection of our parents? So does this mean they made me like this? Fuck! I'm confused!!!I guess in a way yeah...but I guess you also get to a stage where you get to chose if you want to be that person or not! But who do I want to be? I want to be myself, and no idea who ''myself is''. So I re-invent myself....

I just want to be happy okay...really really freaking happy! But do we really become happy? Or do we just become OK?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is happiness to me?
It loving myself unconditionally, loving what I do and doing it best, its being alone and being totally content with myself. Its swimming in the sea naked, its travelling across Africa, the world and swimming in all the seas of the world. Its experiencing being outside your country for the very first time. Its dipping in the cold ocean and getting a shock of your life but feeling so alive afterwards. It meeting amazing people and sharing those feelings with the each other. It making love and experiencing multiple orgasms, for the first time, and again and realizing that someone can take you to another dimension, another universe and you can go multiple times till you are satisfied. Happiness is being loved back, having been loved, loving someone and having them love you with their all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What were the happiest times of my life?
When I was experiencing life on my own terms!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whats the biggest lesson on love and life I have learnt so far?   When you meet that person, one of your soulmates. let the connection, relationship, be what it is. It may be five minute, five hours,five days,five months, five years,a lifetime. Let it manifest itself the way it is meant to. It has an organic, natural destiny,that way if it stays or if it leaves, you will be softer, from having been loved this authentically. Let things happen naturally.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of the best feelings?

 Is learning something wonderful about yourself and wondering what else you have been hiding

An orgasm.... multiple orgasms

Being loved

Acceptance

Accepting your self

Falling in love, with yourself, with your life, every aspect of it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I want to live in a movie? No, I want to live in  a book!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who are the coolest people?
I think people who change the way we look at the world are the coolest. They must have the hardest time in life. Because they are being themselves in a world that is constantly trying to change them. I think it takes a lot of energy, guts to be that person.

I'm gonna look for my glory yeah

I'll be back real soon.

Cape Town anyone?

A small apartment, like the size of a matchbox is around R 5000.00 and more in Cape Town. The sourthern suburbs, the city and going further north. This would be closer to table mountain, loins head, devils peak, Hout Bay, False Bay. To stay in these places you would have to earn 3 times the rent money. I mean, most people would love to stay in Cape Town, but once you move there you realize how ridiculously expensive it is to stay here. The place is just buzzing with tourists with money to spend living in these places. So you end up realizing to stay in a decent place you would probably have to consider sharing...I hate sharing!. The dreams of having your own apartment and the freedom of walking around naked in your own spacious place with a glass of wine remains just that, a dream. Are you going to spend most of your hard earned money on rent? Not me, because on top of PAYE, I still have to pay black tax.  

So I have decided, living in Cape Town is not worth it. Yes, its a very beautiful city, but for rich people. Because they are the ones who get to see the beauty anyway. Most of the "not well of people" have been pushed to the ''crappy places''like Bellville and the townships of Cape Town, the ''forgotten places''. Nobody visits there, because its dirty, dangerous and sad. Full of coloreds and black people...of-course!. Some of these people have lived in Cape Town almost all their lives but never even climbed the beautiful Table Mountain...what the...! 

So what a black, relatively conscious young professional like me to do?

Be mad!!!!

''But I try not to let the anger build up
I'm too high, I'm too better, too much
So I let it go...." 

Lil Wayne